Give Back, Find a Friend

In true friendships, one has to know when to be the giver or the recipient.

Love is the foundation of friendship. It is like water that needs to be poured into a glass, represented by the heart. There has to be careful balance. When you keep on giving love and nothing comes back to you, you feel empty.

Be sensitive to the needs of your friends. If you are the type who's always in need of love and attention, you will soon find out that your friends are diminishing. You would have sapped all of their love that nothing's left as you don't give anything back. They'll have to find that love from someone else.

If you've been deeply hurt from past relationships or were abandoned, and haven't really been able to recover from it, you would've have failed to love yourself. You will be lonely. The solution? Love yourself first then it will be easy to love others. You cannot give what you don't have.

God, the giver of life, wants us to love Him back. That's the sole purpose of our existence. As we are made from God's love, having the same love for others means bringing the love back to our Maker. The circle of life is the circle of love.

Thus, true friendship is all about filling the other person with attention, fellowship, encouragement, care, trust, and even touch. Connecting, like love, is two-way. If you get a simple "hi" or a forwarded message from a friend, a simple "thank you" would be enough. You have to make your friend feel that you care as well.

Isn't it that whether you laugh or cry together with a friend, you feel refreshed? Or when you share a story, a reaction of a nod or smile is fulfilling enough? That's because the communication is shared. There is a connection.

That is why whenever I would find someone who wants to give more than he or she would take, I would want that person to be my friend. I know I can give back something, anything.

It is easier to love a friend who loves you back. It makes the relationship last. Find a friend who can love you back, you've got a friend for life!

Looking for more friends? Give something back.

Can We Be Real Friends?

I always ask myself this question whenever I invite or get invited to be a friend with someone I’d “virtually” meet online. I have more than 600 friends in Facebook, more than 300 in Linkedin and a couple more in Friendster. I’d say, of almost 1,000 friends – social or professional – I have personally met only 100 of them. Is that a bad thing?

Technology has driven the way we communicate and associate with people. When what was supposed to create more time and space for us to be “free” has actually caused us to cram more things into our lives. Now, our lives are so cluttered that we don’t even have real time for real people.

Time is a valuable commodity. Sadly, it’s not renewable. We can’t even buy it. No matter how much money or connections we have, we simply can’t influence time. True to the old adage, time waits for no one. Thus, given just a few minutes to socialize, we meet, greet and keep our friends in online space. Then again, are they real friends?

We have used the online social and professional networks to connect and reconnect. We’ve found former classmates, officemates, friends, and maybe even lost loves. With photos and albums galore, we have found a way to share our lives to others. We have found virtual space to share our trials, triumphs, notes, journals, status, availability, ability, faith and hopes. These are the things that remind us of our needs as human beings.

I love coffee shops. They were made for personal conversations. They were created so we can just sit around, enjoy a cup of coffee and watch people and the world go by. Like the coffee that warms your lips, coffee shops make you feel the warmth of people around you. Friends that you make over a meal or a cup of coffee are seemingly for real. Yes, they can also break your heart. But they’re for real. What you see is what you get.

What about my online friends – are they for real, too? I’m talking about friends whom I have never personally met in my entire life. It’s either I invite them or they invite me. After which, I say a casual “hi” or greet them on their birthdays. I also comment on their notes, blogs, journals or status. I just want to somehow interact with them, even if it will only take me a few seconds or minutes of my time. As long as I have shared a bit of my time with them, I consider them as friends. Well, I am for real. I don’t really care if they aren’t.

Guess what? I have made some real friends online. I have even been invited to their birthdays, weddings and family gatherings. I’ve even godfathered some in their weddings and children’s Christenings.

Technology may have changed the way we interact with others today. What hasn’t changed is the need (read as: urge) to genuinely connect. Hopeful that every human being we meet online is the real deal, we’ll never stop connecting and reconnecting. We were wired to be social beings. That’s who we are. So, I guess it won’t really matter if my online friend is genuine as long as I know I am. That is my nature. Maybe even human nature. That is what really matters. I have a conscience. I have a heart. Most of all, I have a soul. Now that's for real.